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| Yoronosuku Posts: 1238/1239 |
My auntie is about 31 and her boyfriend is 18. It might seem a little bit socially taboo but she loves him very much and tells me that if she left him for someone closer to her age it would be the biggest mistake of her life since she "knows" she won't ever find someone like him. I think its sweet in these kind of cases--age is only what you make of it if you're mature enough to handle it. |
| Sweet Kassy Molassy Posts: 882/886 |
Me not having sex with her was less an issue of me being afraid than it was a matter of me thinking we had all the time in the world to take it slow and to make sure that when we did do things like that it would be perfect. We did do several things that would have gotten me jail time =P
I see your point, but your earlier wording of "that just sickened me" kinda hit a nerve. |
| Danielle Posts: 6728/6737 |
That's exactly my point, Kas. The age gap did present problems for you, big problems. You were afraid of doing anything with her because she was so young. How is that not an age issue?
I understand that there are obviously exceptions to everything. There are some 16 year olds that are ready for a serious relationship, but just because they're mature doesn't mean they can make it work with someone twice their age. Not even someone who's 8 years older, or 10 years. It's just too difficult, and there are going to be complications that wouldn't be there if the age gap wasn't present. I didn't ever say that a relationship like your past one was "wrong." I just don't promote them 99% of the time, for reasons I've already stated. People that say homosexuality is wrong are ignorant, bible-hugging folk who can't accept anyone different from them. I'd say that's a whole different issue. |
| jeff Posts: 212/213 |
Originally posted by Sweet Kassy Molassy personally, i have to see where she's coming from... while at the same time, i definitely agree with you. i think it'd just be a strange relationship, crossing the high school and college gap like that. there's still, as far as i can imagine, a lot of growing up to do. there's just a lot of things that can happen in that time. i would never want to cross a gap like that unless things were... exactly how you said. |
| Sweet Kassy Molassy Posts: 876/886 |
Originally posted by Danielle 18 isn't the universal legal age, either. It's very 17 here, and lower in other places. My last girlfriend was 16. It most certainly wasn't about me being in control. We knew there were potential consequences and all that stigma, but we sat down and talked about it and decided we wanted to go for it because we had known each other for a long time and cared DEEPLY for one another. She was definitely mature enough to decide she wanted to have something with someone she loved even though she knew it would be a hard relationship to be in because of what everyone else thought. And there was no 'abuse' going on. We never had sex, even when she made a move. (I wasn't sure she was ready.) If anyone got hurt out of the deal it was me. But don't tell me it was wrong. We were friends and we were close and we felt like we wanted to be together so we gave it a shot. Being in love is not wrong. And yeah, it was somewhat illegal. So is homosexuality in most places. Does that make being gay some horrible immoral act as well? |
| SamuraiX Posts: 267/302 |
Originally posted by Danielle Dani has a point. Although biological maturity can be more or less defined, psychological maturity is not so clear. So society just takes the upper value for normal psychological maturity (~18) and anything above that is up to individuals to decide. |
| Danielle Posts: 6727/6737 |
I say 18 because that's when it's legal.
It's impossible to pick a "maturity age" because everyone matures differently. However, I don't think a 25 year old should be dating a 16 year old despite how mature she may be. It's illegal, and it's more than likely an issue with the guy wanting control. It's great that you brought history into this issue, Kas. Let's look at history. Women married and gave birth well before their 18th birthday, for centuries this was considered normal. Women were also inferior, second class beings that were treated like scum. There was no personal freedom for women. You think there's no connection? I just don't go for that kind of crap. |
| Sweet Kassy Molassy Posts: 874/886 |
Originally posted by jeff I think that's definitely the case in this day and age. But it doesn't mean that an 18 year old shouldn't date. And if they want to date someone who's 27... and that's ok... ...Then why is the situation Dani suggested disgusting? I think that's kinda bullshit. |
| jeff Posts: 211/213 |
Originally posted by Sweet Kassy MolassyOriginally posted by Danielle dude kasdarack everyone knows the answer to that when you turn 18 this switch goes off in your head and you magically decide you're mature. honestly, though, i think that about that age is when people for the most part know what they want out of life(soon) and know themselves pretty well. i really think 18 might be too young to know for sure, being the age where high school graduation occurs and people get to move into college and/or work, so they can trade their lives for money. |
| Sweet Kassy Molassy Posts: 872/886 |
Originally posted by Danielle Why? What makes your 18th birthday the day you automatically become mature? Or do you subscribe to the "Magic Day Theory?" And keep in mind, through 20,000 years of human history women were giving birth to children whose fathers were likely that much older and no one EVER had a problem with it before. |
| Danielle Posts: 6725/6737 |
I don't think age matters once both parties are 18. You should be mature enough to decide for yourself who is and isn't right for you, at that point in life.
I had a friend, though, that was 16 years old dating a 25 year old guy. That just sickened me. |
| Coby Posts: 122/123 |
Once you're both older than 30 people don't care about age difference anymore.
But below I would stick to the (yourage/2)+7 formula. |
| Sweet Kassy Molassy Posts: 830/886 |
I agree that difference in age isn't an issue. But the high school/college barrier can be.
*edit* Especially when you can't go out a lot of places together and have to sneak visits because her parents are pretty sure there's something going on and hate you for it. |
| Koitenshin +∞ Posts: 817/873 |
My last girlfriend was quite a bit older than me. I present this chart.
Her 31-34 Me 17-21 That just goes to show you that age is a number. We had quite a bit in common also. We simply broke it off because I wanted to go back to school but my school is very far away. |
| Sweet Kassy Molassy Posts: 827/886 |
Yep... high school girls will just break your heart...
 |
| drjayphd Posts: 1159/1170 |
Originally posted by HiryuuOriginally posted by drjayphd See also: Sharon, my last ex.  |
| Simon Belmont Posts: 1673/1773 |
I would think it more depends on the culture than the age, there are a few places on earth where 18 going with a 14 year old is perfectly normal. |
| Teundusia Posts: 214/216 |
Someone who is 18 going out with someone who is 14 seems a bit weird, yet someone who is 34 who met someone who is 30 seems fine.
Just depends on the age I reckon. |
| Hiryuu Posts: 2377/2480 |
Originally posted by drjayphd That'd be the big one for me too. I don't need someone who's still in high school in their own mindset. :\ |
| drjayphd Posts: 1155/1170 |
I'm 25 right now, and it could be that the biggest gap will be five years, if things go as they are on pace to go right now. Although I'm sure you can tell just how enthusiastic I am about that.  Thing is, it's a little weird. At this point, I'd rather 21 be the minimum, assuming they're actually mature. |
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