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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - - Posts by Tarale |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.  Level: 73  Posts: 1990/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Frankly, I'd like not to consider myself weak-hearted. I've been through stalking, rape, death of several close family members (including my father), abusive relationships and clinical depression/mental illness, and I would like to think I've come out of it all fairly well. I'm just having difficulty with it all attacking all at once.  I feel like... I'm not being given enough time to... plan my next move... if that makes sense. And that half the time, I don't even know what my next move IS, particularly with this legal minefield I'm about to walk into.  I've also lost the ability to concentrate at work, and I just feel fucken irritated all the time.I really wish I wasn't prone to worry/panic attacks, because neither the panic attack nor the bottle(s) of Cooper and Son's Ltd. Pale Ale I'm using to numb it, is helping me plot this all through.  I don't want to take depression meds for that kind of stuff again though either or I'll be even more out of it. |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1991/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| I don't know when I'm good at the moment still as this whole surgery thing hasn't been sorted out and stuff. I'll let you know, but at the moment any drinking competition is uh.. pending surgery. |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1992/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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Leg's right, I'm not the kind that finds bottling up things to be helpful. Even if I don't get any actual help, I do find it useful to get things off my chest.  If I don't get things off my chest, I tend to stew on things and build stuff up to bigger than what it is. I don't know why it is, but when I get things out, for some reason writing it out, or talking to somebody enables me to put things better into perspective and it all isn't so..... scary? Talking things out helps me... think things out. Although I gotta admit, this law stuff freaks me *right* out . I'm pretty sure I need one of those.. laywer things.Course, everybody deals with things differently. I like to get stuff off my chest, some people keep things to themselves. |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1993/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| You know, I've never heard of you drinking before Let alone a LOT... You could join the Century Club if you want.... See how far you go.  |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1994/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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Originally posted by Slay That's okay, and no you didn't hurt me, but I did see "weak-hearted" as an unneccessary dig at me.  Particularly as -- as I said -- I certainly don't consider myself to be considering all the shiat I've been through The "complain" thing got me too; as it wasn't so much my intention to complain as much as it was to... unload some of the stuff on my mind.Anyways, I have a very loosely formulated "plan of action" so far, but I don't really know what's going to happen yet.... Tomorrow I intend to do the following: * Call Legal Services and discuss my options. See if I am eligible for legal aid. * Call the ex and verbally abuse the shit out of him * Call the ex's father as he is very smart and helpful and might be able to offer me some advice, as well as possibly give my ex a kick up the bum. * Call the lawyers doing this whole thing and let them know that I will be getting a letter from my GP / specialist regarding the cyst. As I still don't know if/when I may be hospitalised, the lawyers involved need to know about my current state of medical limbo and take it into account. * Speak to my boss about what is happening, see what can be done about either time off work or something as with all of this on my mind, I am not giving anything close to 100% at work; in fact I think I'm making tons of errors due to lack of concentration * Probably have more beer * See if I can piece together some written idea of what happened re: the debt; why it was out of my hands, etc. * Get mobile phone credit, as I ran out. Right now, I intend to: * go back to bed and try to sleep * failing sleep; meditate for a while and try to sleep * try to ignore the panic-attack I've been having for the past two hours * try to get enough sleep to be "on the ball" tomorrow  I am prepared for the worst-case scenario here, I guess.... at the moment I am reasonably pessimistic. I'm expecting the worst, and if anything better happens it'll be a fucking brilliant surprise. |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1995/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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Originally posted by Graviteh NEVAR! Geez, you people act like I'm a fucking alcoholic. Would it make you guys happier if I was hopped up on Zoloft again? Seriously, I do not have an alcohol dependency or anything, I can get on the wagon for weeks, months and years in a row. But when I am stressed, I do tend to drink a little, okay? It does help calm my nerves a little, and I enjoy it and it takes my mind off things. And frankly, I'd rather drink a little when I'm stressed rather than be on prescribed anti-depression anti-anxiety drugs again and be an emotionless zombie. If you ask me, prescription drugs for mental illnesses are more dangerous and fucked up than me having a little bit of a drink (edited by Tarale on 05-29-05 10:22 AM) |
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(restricted)|
Tarale |
I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1997/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours
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I can't jog with the cyst. I have an exercise bike at home I'm paying for but not allowed to use right now either, which gives me the irrits. I'm supposed to avoid anything that upsets my cyst, like any bouncing (I can feel the cyst bounce in me like some kind of internal water balloon, it's gross) or lifting my legs too high (I crush the cyst a little and it hurts) |
You know how much I drank this week? How many days I drank? One -- yesterday. And I had six beers and a scotch over the course of 8 hours. I don't cope in the short term, and I drink in the short term. In the long term it's an entirely different story. Chances are, I probably won't drink all that much this week at all (I might have a beer when I get home, but not six.... So ner, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm just a binge drinker I'm seeing a gynaecologist tomorrow morning, I've been waiting for the appointment for over a week now to finally FINALLY get a second opinion. I think I'm going to take the whole day off cause I really am not coping with work right now (concentration levels = non existent) I heard from Ben's dad today, and told him what's going on. I told him about the debt and the bankruptcy, and I told him that I can't get onto Ben about it at all. I also told him I'm worried about Ben's mental health (because I am, he's lost all sense of rational thought). He says he will see if he can get Ben to do something about this and discuss this with me. (restricted) |
Tarale |
I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1999/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours
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My real issue with antidepressants is that I don't think they really promoted recovery. Sure, the sadness was deadened, significantly.... but I lost the other end of the spectrum too and couldn't feel happiness either. I just sat somewhere in a melancholy middle. |
Well, went to the doc's today, and will get a letter to give to the lawyers and stuff. I am going to be having surgery. As the cyst is too big, I cannot have keyhole surgery. I will go into hospital and be there for four or five days to recover. Apparently there is a very high chance that I will lose my right ovary, and apparently there is also a chance that this is cancer. Of course, right at the moment the surgery stuff isn't scaring me as much as it did last week. I'm still scared of the bankruptcy stuff.
Tarale |
I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 2000/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours
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Cyst is going to be removed! |
I have to be admitted to hospital for surgery on the 15th. I'll be there for four to five days recovering. There is a chance I will lose my right ovary. (very high chance) There is a chance that this is cancer (chance factor unknown)
Tarale |
I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 2001/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours
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Well, it's the first day of Winter tomorrow, but I'll give you my Winter plans anyways. |
About the first month of it I plan to recover from illness/surgery Then I plan to work. I don't think there is much on that I want to go to, music festivals and things are usually a summer thing, but I might look up the gig guide and see what's on.I'm probably going to watch a lot of TV.
Tarale |
I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 2002/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours
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jasukan, that isn't necessary. |
 Yoronosuku, it is a little difficult to read what you have written, but I will try. It sounds like things have been difficult for you so I hope that they will get better. I'll finish reading what you have written now (restricted) |
Tarale |
I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 2004/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours
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Originally posted by Yoronosuku I'm not mad at you at all, and I wouldn't worry about this too much if I were you. I'm sorry for you that this thread has... gotten off topic and such. EDIT: And now I've finally gotten to read all of your post I'm sorry you're feeling like you don't belong and stuff, but everybody goes through feelings like that. I'm sure you have friends that you can rely on to help you out if you need to, and talking it out with them (and also with us ) is a very good idea.I'm not real sure what advice I can offer you at the moment, but I really do hope that things get better for you. (edited by Tarale on 05-30-05 05:05 PM) (restricted) | (restricted) | (restricted) | (restricted) | (restricted) | | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - - Posts by Tarale |
now this thread is going to make people mad at me. I told you I didn't belong..