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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - Trying to Help a Friend |
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Karadur Fire Snake  Level: 48  Posts: 26/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| For the past month of so, he's wanted to die, to put it bluntly. If you want to see why, you can try checking his LJ here, but I know he's set most of his serious entries to be only visible by his friends, so you may not be able to get a whole lot out of it. Yesterday afternoon I found out he was planning on putting that part of his life behind him, getting on with life, and not looking back. I made an entry in my LJ here, saying that I was happy to hear what he'd decided, and that I'd been worried about him constantly up 'till then. I don't know why, but he keeps saying things like "I'm not worth the worry", or like the comment he made in my LJ, "I should just keep my mouth shut from now on. I only cause others worry and pain." I saw that when I first got online this morning, and I wanted to get on MSN and just scream at him. Something like "If anyone still cares enough to worry about you right now, they must have an extremely good reason for it, so stop pushing them away all the time!" I realized that could kill whatever semblance of a good mood he's in right now in an instant, so I decided not to. Now, I'm afraid that if I go on MSN and try to talk to him again, he's either going to have already blocked me, or will shortly after I say anything. One of the things he wants to do to put this part of his life behind, is to delete his LJ. I can understand why he wants to do that, but it raises another worry. What's going to happen then? Well, I told him to focus on the present and not the future, and yet here I am breaking my own rule. Another thing that got him depressed was that the people that had acted as friends towards him at first turned out to not be friends after all. I hope he's gotten over that part of it though. I really don't know what to do right now. Since I started talking to him, I told myself over and over that I didn't want him to see me as one of the people that were just going to forget him after a while. It feels like I'm at the end of my rope though. I don't know what to tell him, other than stuff that I've already said before. I'd like to take a break so I can gather my thoughts, but I don't want him to think I've forgotten him either. Sorry for dumping such a big problem on whoever reads this when you hardly know me, but I've got nowhere else to turn to. |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57  Posts: 521/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| Hmm... that's not really good to hear about but then again it is good that he doesn't want to die anymore. I did have a friend for a year in fouth grade then turned against me in fifth grade. I can say that it hurt cuz I know the person she became friends with and we never got along. They were cruel to me but I just ignored them. So, it doesn't bother me no more seeing as I don't see either one of them. As for your friend, there are people out there who care about him like you do.I find it ironic which he doesn't take that into factor that you're his friend. Even though, he was betrayed by others I'm sure you won't go and betray him like that. I can sure say that past, present, and future are all relevent to each other. So, it doesn't matter if you think about the future because it can change on the present events. Just like the past events that had happened caused the outcome of the current present that we live in. Try and show him that you are his friend no matter what. Even if you have to tell him something you fear the outcome might be because you only are trying to show him the truth. |
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Jarukoth  IRRATIONAL EXUBERENCE!!1! Level: 79  Posts: 2042/3194 EXP: 4402011 For next: 177456 Since: 03-17-04 From: New Jersey, U.S.A. Shoes: Yes. Since last post: 8 days Last activity: 1 day |
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| From what I have seen, it just seems like he's just a depressed kid with issues to deal with, and is just doing what he can to get over them. On the other hand, judging by what he said to you, it sorta sounds like he wants attention. I remember I was the same way too about 3-4 years ago. Same thing with many of the people mentioned in the LJ. I have spoken at length about people like this, so I won't go into it here. If you see him in real life, just give him a bit of space. If he's in a good mood, don't even bring it up, and just be a good friend to him. Hopefully, he'll get over it, and mature for the better. |
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 28/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| I forgot to mention, he's not a kid. As far as I know this guy's 32 years old, and I'm only 19. Something that really got me worried is that I found out he's married, and has a kid. I know he's seeing a counsellor, which makes things a bit easier for me. As far as showing him that I'm still his friend, I've tried many times, but I always get the same response: "I'm not worth it" or "Don't waste your time with me". Believe me. If he lived within any close distance to me, I'd already be over there with him. He lives somewhere in the U.S. though. I used to be able to check where, but he's deleted that information from that place. I live in Canada, and I don't have a vehicle to be able to make the trip out to see him. I just decided to check my LJ again, and he's made another comment about what I said. I'll put the comment here, to make things easier for anyone reading this. *sighs* Why do I say I am not worth it, because it it true. I am not worth the worry or the efforts of "anyone". All I do is cause pains or problems. All I do is end up pushing away those that did care, and those I cared about as well. I am sorry if it hurts you, you have tried to help, just like many others once did as well. And yes at times it did help me. I just never told you or them enough I guess, and I am sorry *sighs*. It's things like what he said in the first two sentences of the first paragraph that make me feel like saying "forget it", cancelling the internet, and never thinking about it again. I refuse to do that though. I feel like if I were to do those things, I wouldn't have to think about him again, and all would be well, but there would always be the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I really wasn't able to help. I couldn't live with myself if that I were to take those actions. While talking on MSN yesterday night, I tried talking with him about other things, such as videogames, and what we each did that day, etc. I asked him if he wanted to talk about anything, and he said "Not really". I know one of the reasons he's feeling the way his is is because he got banned from his first real "home" online. I'd like to go into a rant about that site, since I was a member there as well, but not right now. If anyone wants the URL of the site, ask me in a PM. I may post it in this thread in the future, but I wouldn't feel right if I did right now. I want to thank anyone who's reading this again. It feels a lot better to be able to get this stuff out in the open then keep it inside myself all the time. (edited by Karadur on 11-10-04 10:02 PM) |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57 Posts: 524/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| Riight if he's married and has a kid then that means he's worth it. If I got banned from anywhere's I'm really fond of. I would get over it eventually but that's just me though. I think my sig has a good saying to it. Even though it may seem a little dark. (edited by Dark Vampriel on 11-11-04 06:36 PM) |
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 41/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| Good God he did it. I just had a short chat with him, and here's what got said: Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: Well..its over...I am leaving all irc's...all dragon sites...everything...I dont belong and never did nor never will... Karadur says: That's sort of what I felt you were getting at all along. I didn't want to bring it up though Karadur says: If it's any condolence, I'm sorry to hear that Kari Si Sharikan Reskel sighs Karadur says: But please don't tell me by 'everything' you want to 'leave this world' again Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: This chapter in the story is now done...it is time to leave it behind and either move on or end the book. Karadur says: I understand that completely Karadur says: You're doing what you want to do, and that makes me happy Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: at least you can be..For I never will be again... Karadur says: Why. You think you won't have any friends? Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: Be free from me and be happy again..B.Y.E...... Karadur says: What??? I... guess, if that's what you want, but... well, I don't mean to force anything on you, but if you ever want to talk to me again, I'll be glad to I seriously don't know what to say. I'm glad to hear he's getting on with life, but what he said... it almost makes me think he hated me  He just went offline, and I guess I'll never see him again. I can't believe this... I may as well post the site I talked about in my last post here right now: dragon-realms.com Go to 'Forums', 'Support and Advice' and find the thread 'The Hopeless Dragon'. The site ruined his life. What the fsck. It's a dragon site, obviously, but they've taken it way too far. Everyone there's saying they're Otherkin and stuff, and the overall 'caring level' of the site is completely gone. I was once a member there, and I still have my profile, but I'll be damned if I ever log in again. (edited by Karadur on 11-13-04 06:16 PM) (edited by Karadur on 11-13-04 06:20 PM) (edited by Karadur on 11-13-04 06:22 PM) (edited by Karadur on 11-13-04 06:23 PM) |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57 Posts: 531/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| This really sounds to me that when he quits the internet. That he'll try to commit suicide. I'm just saying that's how it sounds to me but, of course, I could be wrong. I read the link and about the thread. It does seem that others did care about him on the site then just changed. I bet I could have changed his mind if I did ever talked to him. But I take it would be too late to even try to talk to him now. | |||
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 42/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| I'm truly hoping he doesn't want to die again. That's pretty much what I was asking when I said "But please don't tell me by 'everything' you want to 'leave this world' again". The worse thing about it is that if he wants to, I've figuratively not able to do anything but stand back and watch. I've still got his email, but I don't think I'm going to send him something anytime soon. I reread what he said quite a few times over (not only what I posted here) and it almost seems like he got mad at whoever tried to help him. As far as others caring about him on the site, yes, everyone did the first few posts he made, but you'll notice in the second or third page how people (such as Vellos and Sedyana) say they're getting tired of it basically. I know I put something in there as well, and it won't make any difference to say it now, but the only reason I agreed with them was because I wanted to fit in. What a stupid mistake to make. When the site started out (back in January of this year), it seemed like a nice place. For what it's worth, I registered there sometime during the first week of January. Since then it's seemed to slide into some sort of elitist "Otherkin only" thing. I know there've been good defenses to that, and maybe I'm jumping to a conclusion way too early. It's just that when it started, it seemed like a nice, friendly place to be. Much like SDD was when it still existed. You might also want to take a look at the thread in the same section called "Enough is Enough" or something like that. If it makes it easier, the thread poster is Shanrrosh. Someone finally said something about what's happening to the site. I feel sorry for the admins (Forfaox, Stik, and maybe Etath). They tried to do something good with the site, then this sort of thing happens. I do respect Kari for what he did though. I can't even begin to describe how hard it must've been to just say 'bye" like that. When it comes to talking to him, I think if what got done in the past month (talking to him on MSN and such) got done after his first post in that thread. I'd be talking to him still right now if he hadn't gone offline, and I'd have liked for you to try to talk to him as well, Vampriel. It would've showed him that someone that hardly knows anything about him cares enough to try to help. I shouldn't dwell on this too long, or I'm just going to get myself depressed. What's happened has unfortunately happened, and I did as much as I could to help. I'll never know if it was enough though. (edited by Karadur on 11-13-04 07:47 PM) |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57 Posts: 532/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| The sad thing is that when others on that site switched from helping to being mean. I can say about that is for the ones who quickly agreed weren't being themselves just going with the flow of what others say. I tend to care about others that I don't even know. It's like a strange habit of mine that I can't get rid of cuz I'm a nice person. I can say nothing is never can be enough. There is no limit for how much help you can give to one person. Just as long as you did your very best to try and help them out. |
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 48/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| Well, now that I can finally get to these boards again, I can say more on this. This afternoon, I just got a "hi Karadur" from him. Didn't say much, but we didn't talk at all about what happened before, so I can tell he is really putting it behind him. That's good to know, and I also now know I helped him in some way  I still don't know what's going to happen with his LJ. He made it quite clear that he'd be writing a big thing in it, then a week or so later deleting the thing. So far I don't see any sign of this big thing, so I have to guess he's not going to write it with his whole decision to put what happened behind him, or else he's still in the process of writing it. Whatever he does though, I hope it doesn't put him back into what sort of mood he was in before  (edited by Karadur on 11-16-04 08:13 PM) |
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Ran-chan Moldorm eek, when are they going to stop growing... Level: 143  Posts: 5238/12781 EXP: 35293588 For next: 538220 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima District, Tokyo - Japan Since last post: 12 hours Last activity: 12 hours |
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 52/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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I guess I spoke too soon  More about that after we finish our MSN conversation. |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57 Posts: 540/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| Well at least he started talking to you and I hope that conversation you're having with him turns out for the best. | |||
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 53/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| So far not really. It's stopped, or at least it seems like it right now, so I'll put what's been said in here: ------- Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: Well, I guess its time I face facts and just give up trying. This life, this world, this time, all of it was not meant for me. Karadur says: No. Don't tell me you want to die again Karadur says: And besides. I thought you were putting what happened behind you Karadur says: You were in a good mood from what I saw yesterday. What's happened that put you back in this mood Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: I just dont care anymore. Karadur says: Well, it's getting harder for me to say this now, but I still do. I was glad to see that you were going through with putting things behind you a week or so ago, but it's come to the point where I really don't know what to do anymore. i don't want to see you just throw your life away, yet I don't know what to tell you besides what I've already said before Kari Si Sharikan Reskel sighs Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: Be free and be happy Karadur and worry about me no more. Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: I am not worth the time or the effort and I never was. Karadur says: You know what I said when you did this last time. I really hope you don't take it to an extreme where you do kill yourself or die somehow. Always have something to take your mind off these sorts of things Karadur says: If you're willing to answer it, why aren't you worth the time or effort? Because you hurt the people that try to help? That's true, but if the people that are trying to help you care enough to keep at it, I don't think you should keep saying you aren't worth it. Nobody deserves to die, whether by their hands or some other way Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: my life has no meaing to me anymore, no reason, no hopes.... Karadur says: Also with worrying about you no more. I may be able to do that if I don't think about you for a while, but there'll always be the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I couldn't help as much as I wanted to Karadur says: Then find someone, something, anything that gives it meaning. Something you're proud of maybe, or good memories that you have. Keep those in mind always. Who knows what'll happen Karadur says: This is probably going to sound quite mean, but don't take it that way. Almost every part of me right now is saying "Stop worrying about this guy. You'll be alot happier, and things'll be good." It hurts to see you feeling this way though, and that's the only thing keeping me caring about you right now Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: Then give up..I am not worth it. Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: I never was. Karadur says: No. Simply no. I'm the only one that has the right to make that choice. Not you, not my parents or whoever else. Only me Karadur says: Do you want people to stop worrying about you because you want them to feel good or something? Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: so they can be happy again with out me in their lives. Karadur says: Will that really happen though? If they were to just stop worrying about you when you told them to, it would only solve their problems. Not yours Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: my life means nothing to me now, none of it. Karadur says: Why not Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: I dont care anymore. Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: I give up Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: why try Karadur says: That's quite broad. I'm looking for specific reasons as to why Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: there is no specifc reason, just that I dont care about me or this place, this world, this time, my life, none of it, anymore... Karadur says: Then let me take another broad guess: because things aren't going the way you'd like them to. Might that be a part of it? Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: no, I just dont care anymore, its not worth the effort too anymore. Karadur says: Well, if that's truly what you think, then I don't know what to say about it. I want to tell you over and over you are worth the effort, but if you don't care and there's no specific reason why. I can't think of anything to say. I don't want that to sound like I don't care anymore, because I do Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: just give up, im not worth it. Be free and be happy again. Karadur says: Did you forget already what I said? I'm the only one that can make the choice to give up on you. I'd like to be happy again, but I know I won't be able to unless I know you're feeling better, and before you even say it, killing yourself won't make you feel better the way you're probably hoping it will Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: it will for I will be free and off this world. Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: free from the pains here. Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: free from having to feel pain or care anymore. Karadur says: Yes, but you'll most likely remember the people that tried to help you Karadur says: I wouldn't be surprised if it puts you back in another foul mood Kari Si Sharikan Reskel sighs Karadur says: As far as your life not having meaning, it's up to you to find something that gives it meaning. It could be anything from helping someone to the games you like to play Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: those games mean nothing to me. Karadur says: It doesn't have to be games Karadur says: I guess the reason I said that one is 'cause I like playing games, making hacks or romhacking in general, and helping people with games. They're a big part of my life, but that doesn't mean they have to be for you Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: there is nothing that means anything to me anymore. Karadur says: There has to be something, or you'd be dead already Kari Si Sharikan Reskel says: All will be happier with out me in thier life to cause worries and pains. ---- How I feel about this is pretty much summed up in the above conversation. (edited by Karadur on 11-17-04 10:29 PM) |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57 Posts: 541/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| Holy crap. I swear that guy has mental issues and tossing every help to the side like it's nothing. There's always meaning to someone's life no matter what it is. That conversation is over MSN then if you want make a chat room and add me. jefflover4life@hotmail.com is my MSN s/n. (edited by Dark Vampriel on 11-17-04 10:44 PM) |
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 54/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| I'd like for you to do that, so I've just asked if it's alright with him. Just waiting for a reply... | |||
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57 Posts: 542/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| Ok and I won't care if you have to bring me in after he says no. | |||
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 55/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| He's already said it's up to me. Just when I try to invite you, I get something about the invite not getting sent to you. What timing. I just tried inviting you again, but it told me you were already part of the conversation (but not up in the 'To:' field), then a couple seconds later said the invite couldn't be sent again (edited by Karadur on 11-17-04 11:01 PM) |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57 Posts: 543/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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Huh. Well I am logged in to MSN...along with AIM and yahoo. |
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 56/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| Stuff above the line is irrelevant now Darn. The only thing I could think of is that we're using Messenger Plus, and you're probably using normal messenger. You might try inviting us, and if that doesn't work, I can send you the Messenger Plus installer. If you want to try inviting us: Me: karadur_77@hotmail.com Him: morkeleb2005@insightbb.com Well that went well. </sarcasm> For those that are interested or concerned, he did his "B.Y.E" thing again right after Vampriel asked him to explain why a total stranger would care about him I said I didn't think he'd kill himself, since if he really did try to before, what happened then would happen again. That could very well be wishful thinking though. Now that he knows the address to this site, if by any chance he's reading this, you may very well get angry at me for saying what I did, but everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I did what I thought was best; telling others about the problem I was having, and getting their opinions and possibly advice on the situation. I still think I did the right thing making this thread. It's going to hurt me quite a bit eventually if I keep everything that's happening in regards to this matter all bottled up inside. So I'm going to wait it out right now. Hopefully nothing related to death happens. (edited by Karadur on 11-17-04 11:09 PM) (edited by Karadur on 11-18-04 12:33 AM) (edited by Karadur on 11-18-04 12:35 AM) |
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