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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Movies / TV / Entertainment - You know you're mallcore when... |
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Legion banning people for no reason sure is fun Level: 101  Posts: 2002/5657 EXP: 10399737 For next: 317938 Since: 03-15-04 From: The Crossroads is under attack! Since last post: 5 days Last activity: 5 days |
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| I found this list on a news website under the comments section and thought some of these were downright hilarious. It's a bit long, but check it out anyway. Ways To Tell You're A Mallcore Kid 1. Your hair is dyed a color that doesn't appear naturally in humans, and you think tattoos and piercings are "sexy." 2. "Rip," "Suck," and "Rule" are the best descriptions you can come up with for music. 3. You think ICP is funny. 4. You think Korn is a metal band. 5. When you write or type words, you do it LiKe ThIs because you think it looks ReAlLy kEwL. 6. You think "Eighties Metal" refers to Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Poison. 7. You call yourself a metal fan, but when someone mentions Tom G.Warrior you just get a confused look on your face. 8. You're white, yet you wear really baggy clothes and try to come off as being hardcore. 10. You call people "fags" and "pieces of muthafuckin' shit." 11. You assume that if someone doesn't like Slipknot, they must listen to "pussy stuff like N'sync". 12. You claim to like heavy metal, yet can't name any German thrash bands. 13. You call things "the shit." 14. You own a Dr. Suess hat. 15. You think "goth" means Marilyn Manson. 16. You associate "industrial" with Prodigy instead of Skinny Puppy and Foetus. 17. You have a tribal tattoo. 18. You'd just die if Jonathan Davis touched you! 19. You think black metal bands are trying to copy KISS with their image. 20. You say things like, "Korn rulz and always will! If u dun like them you sux!" 21. You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music." 22. You think the cops probably want to steal your pot. 23. Your music collection consists of less than 100 items. Most or all of these names appear in your collection: Korn, Taproot, Limp Bizkit, Fear Factory, Machine Head, Coal Chamber, System Of A Down, Downset, Soulfly, Pantera, Mudvayne, and Static-X. 24. You say some rap is good. 25. You love Incubus and don't know that there was once a Florida thrash metal band by the same name. 27. You're a 17 year old female and wear crop tops under your open ski jacket in January to show off your navel piercing. Flabby abdominal muscles do not seem to deter you, either. 28. You know who Wayne Static is and think his hair is kEwL. 29. You think Korn "revitalized heavy metal", even though the band themselves want to be disassociated with the genre. 30. You don't realize that Rob Flynn disgraces his past in Vio-lence with every passing moment he spends in Machine Head. 31. You have covered the back of your car in stickers, including at least one anarchy symbol, and one alien. 32. You think death metal is Satanic. 33. You think that by dressing, looking and talking like every other Mallcore simpleton that you're showing your individuality and expressing your uniqueness. 34. You think Fear Factory keeps getting better on every album. 35. You don't realize that Pantera ripped off Exhorder after deciding to cease and desist with glam. 36. You think that Metallica is good for a bunch of old geezers and Reload rocks!! 37. You consider the black album "old Metallica". 38. You think that Roadrunner is an underground label. 39. Best Buy meets all of your music needs. 40. You think you're on the cutting edge of music after seeing such "obscure" bands as Mushroomhead, Taproot, and Drowning Pool. 41. You learned your ebonics from Hatebreed. 42. You never experienced the torture of "Headbangers' Ball" - sitting through 2 hours and 50 minutes of White Lion, Extreme, Enuff Z Nuff and Poison to see a Kreator video. 43. You think Kid Rock is the first person to combine rap with "heavy" guitars. 44. You actually like Staind. Enough to buy it on CD. Enough to see them live. Enough to wear one of their shirts in public. 45. You say you hate the government yet can't name more than five people who actually work in the government, and one of those people is your aunt Irene that works at the DMV. 46. You don't find this rant amusing in the slightest. 47. You think your backpack goes nicely with your backwards baseball cap. 48. You think that the pictures of Coal Chamber are not at all silly, goofy, ugly, or stupid. In fact, you think at least one of the band members is really hot - even in these clothes. In fact, you dress like this every day and your parents and/or teachers give you a lot of grief about it. 49. You say things like "Korn are heavier than Iron Maiden or Judas Priest EVER were". 50. You're constantly in danger of tripping over your wallet chain. 51. You shave your eyebrows to look like that guy from Orgy. 52. You think Stormwitch, Anvil, Destruction and Blood Feast are new games for N64. 53. You think Slipknot is "The heaviest fucking band on earth, EVER. Nothing could top that, dude." 54. You think Linkin Park mosh pits are "violent." 55. Your parents hate your look but buy you your ridiculous clothes anyway because your broke ass won't. 56. You actually go out and buy the bands played on Farmclub.com 57. You think a band kicks ass if the guitarist performs a BMX Tabletop while he's playing that constant over-distorted open sludge note on it. 58. You look like Fred Durst. 59. You wear a red baseball cap that's somewhat furry. 60. You look like Eminem and actually think he's kEwL. 61. You know every lyric to all of Eminem's albums. 62. Before the Black Album got huge, you called Metallica "worship-Satan, kill-your-mother, rape-your-sister shit." 63. Hot Topic, Aeropostale and Gadzooks meet all of your clothing needs. 64. You actually think Kid Rock is worth your spending money on. 65. When somebody mentions metal, you think Papa Roach instead of Motorhead. 66. You've heard real metal and you don't like it. 67. You refuse to acknowledge the fact that Slipknot's masks are just gimmicks. 68. You think Limp Bizkit and Crazy Town are "tight." 69. You call death metal boring but you've never actually listened to a death metal band. 70. You get confused in the metal chatroom as to why most people there are "dissing" your favorite band. 71. You've sent hatemail to webmasters of anti-mall metal sites(with bad grammar and obscene language, of course). 72. You dress in a gothic way, listen to stuff such as Marilyn Manson and Korn but have the nerve to call yourself a non-conformist. 73. You fancy yourself as a non-conformist rebel but shrink back in fear everytime your math teacher tells you to "knock it off!" 74. Every time a new mallcore band pops up, you are usually one of the first to buy their CDs at FYE, in the mall. 75. You claim you don't like boy bands or rappers but you hang around with most of their fans. 76. You think the singer from Mudvayne is really hot. 77. When somebody mentions Slayer you think God Hates Us All. 78. You say the first Coal Chamber album doesn't sound like Korn. 79. You get confused when somebody says the singer from Tristania is better than the singer from Kittie. 80. You say Hot Topic isn't a trendy store. 81. Your hair is more colors than a hippie's shirt. 82. Your idea of Death Metal is Fear Factory. 83. Your screenname has more X's than ever thought imaginable in a 16-letter space. 84. You actually smoke pot on April 20th. 85. You think Cannibal Corpse started "death metal." 86. Your closet is full of Jncos and Korn/Slipknot/Mudvayne shirts, all with bleach stains and holes and fringed ends. 87. Your idea of a heavy guitar sound is an Ibanez RG7 tuned to Z flat. 88. You don't know what happened to Danzig after The Misfits. 89. You use your index, pinky AND thumb when making the metal salute. 90. Your idea of underground is Spineshank. 91. The more dented, scratched, stickered up and destroyed your guitar is, the better it is. 92. You think that by rebelling against your parents you're actually accomplishing something. 93. You've hit a "gravity bong." 94. You think of Cold as being emotional. 95. You consider yourself a black metal fan because you recently found out about Phil Anselmo's side project "Viking Crown." 96. You think Cradle Of Filth is black metal. 97. You deny that Slipknot and Korn are mainstream, yet they are constantly aired on MTV and widely available in malls. 98. You really think Marilyn Manson mames animals on stage. 99. All of your friends look exactly like you with slight differences like whether the lip piercing is on the left or right. 100. Your idea of a diverse musical taste is Blink 182. 101. You own a skateboard. 102. You think Slipknot's drummer is good because he can play double bass. 103. You worship Slipknot but don't know who Anal Blast are. 104. You think every band Metal Edge Magazine mentions is metal. Not to mention go by what bands label themselves, no matter how false it is. 105. You play a 7-string guitar and seriously think Korn invented them. 106. You don't know that Korn ripped off a Morbid Angel song. The breakdown of Morbid Angel's "Angel Of Disease" sounds exactly like Ball Tongue. (Angel Of Disease-1993, Ball Tongue-1994) 107. You say "y'all." 108. You think Tool is talented because they sound different from other mallcore bands. 109. Whenever your parents or other adults are around, you cough to hide the obscenities when you have a Korn CD on. 110. You think no one listens to Eighties Metal anymore and if they do, they're at least fourty years old. 111. You think Chris Barnes has the "deepest voice." 112. Your parents make you go to church and you think you're evil and blasphemic by wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt when you go with them. 113. The first time you ever heard Morbid Angel was when you saw them with Pantera and Kittie. 114. When someone mentions grind, all you can think of is Anal Cunt. 115. You think real metallers have never outsmarted a mallcore nerd and foolishly try to fight them. 116. You think people who don't like mallcore don't listen to it because they can't understand it. 117. You think people who don't like mallcore can't take "hard music." 118. You think Deicide is the most Satanic band in the world. 119. You think Corey Taylor is "da best fuckin' metal singer EVER." 120. You think Slayer are the godfathers of "death metal." 121. When someone mentions Hellhammer, you think of the drummer of Kovenant. 122. Your only use for vinyl records is as a frisbee. 123. You like Primus, but don't know who Possessed were. 124. You would cream yourself if Ozzy autographed your copy of the Reunion CD. 125. You say anything you don't listen to must suck. 126. You think Ozzy is the godfather of all metal. 127. You think Brave New World is the best Maiden album. 128. You think "666" is a Satanic symbol. 129. You obstinately deny the influence of rap in mallcore even though many of them claim rap influence. 130. You've never heard 80s Sepultura. 131. Last, but not least the first time you hear of Meshuggah is when they play Ozzfest this summer. (edited by Legion on 09-04-04 03:22 PM) |
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drjayphd Beamos What's that spell? pimp! Level: 56  Posts: 608/1477 EXP: 1387410 For next: 10766 Since: 03-15-04 From: CT Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| (snork) A tad repetitive (can't they find anyone better or more relevant to flog than Slipknot?) but methinks you've nailed that. Now take care of the punk version of mallcore and everyone here SHOULD be lining up to have your babies. |
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Legion banning people for no reason sure is fun Level: 101 Posts: 2005/5657 EXP: 10399737 For next: 317938 Since: 03-15-04 From: The Crossroads is under attack! Since last post: 5 days Last activity: 5 days |
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| Well yeah, I don't agree with all of it. But a lot of them were dead on. This one kind of pissed me off though: 108. You think Tool is talented because they sound different from other mallcore bands |
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AcidMan Blue Octorok Level: 10  Posts: 27/35 EXP: 4271 For next: 143 Since: 09-03-04 From: Bedfordshire/Sheffield UK Since last post: 265 days Last activity: 205 days |
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| I've seen those before, they are kinda funny I suppose. | |||
Abnormal Freak Blackwater tea Level: 31  Posts: 123/364 EXP: 169629 For next: 15734 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 2 days Last activity: 2 min. |
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| Saw it once before, didn't think it was all TOO funny, but kind of amusing. Some points are true. Rips on Machine Head too much, and considering they're a good band...bleh. | |||
witeasprinwow Lakitu Level: 37 Posts: 385/555 EXP: 319587 For next: 18666 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 55 days Last activity: 55 days |
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| I don't see many of the Tool breed of mallcore around here... Maybe that's not an east coast thing? Quite amusing, though. |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57  Posts: 67/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| They are quite amusing. | |||
Gavin Fuzzy Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass. Level: 43  Posts: 159/799 EXP: 551711 For next: 13335 Since: 03-15-04 From: IL, USA Since last post: 13 hours Last activity: 13 hours |
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| 117. You think people who don't like mallcore can't take "hard music." 72. You dress in a gothic way, listen to stuff such as Marilyn Manson and Korn but have the nerve to call yourself a non-conformist. fucking word on both accounts, especially the latter. i'd say most of the key points are dead on. i have but a minor discrepancy or two: 93. You've hit a "gravity bong." hey now, whether i have or have not 'hit a gravity bong' should not really be a factor on whether or not i'm eligable for being hardocore..  75. You claim you don't like boy bands or rappers but you hang around with most of their fans. meh, just because my friends might now listen to the music i do.. i think that one is a little silly. I'm not going limit potential friends by music alone. As much as i love music, it's not really the deciding factor on most major issues in my life.. having a diverse base group of friends, i beleive, is actually beneficial. it can give you many different perspectives on life, an important skill if you ask me. (edited by Gavin on 09-05-04 02:53 AM) (edited by Gavin on 09-05-04 02:54 AM) |
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Legion banning people for no reason sure is fun Level: 101 Posts: 2015/5657 EXP: 10399737 For next: 317938 Since: 03-15-04 From: The Crossroads is under attack! Since last post: 5 days Last activity: 5 days |
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| What the hell's a gravity bong anyway? | |||
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Gavin Fuzzy Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass. Level: 43 Posts: 161/799 EXP: 551711 For next: 13335 Since: 03-15-04 From: IL, USA Since last post: 13 hours Last activity: 13 hours |
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Originally posted by Legion hah, well... it's basically just a way to get some really huge hits when smoking pot: http://www.angelfire.com/extreme3/smotpoking/howto/makegravitybong.html http://www.blurofinsanity.com/bongdesignpage.html i've only used one twice, and i hear it tends to waste the weed a bit... (edit: found a .gif to illustrate it a tad better)  (edited by Gavin on 09-05-04 04:58 AM) |
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alte Hexe Star Mario I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night Alive as you and me "But Joe you're ten years dead!" "I never died" said he "I never died!" said he Level: 99  Posts: 1247/5458 EXP: 9854489 For next: 145511 Since: 03-15-04 From: ... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Gavin, yes, the waterfall is pretty groovey. Bottle tokes rock if you know how to get the hash to tobacco ratio just right.l The best thing, when the mall goths follow me around the Chapters when I'm trying to enjoy the theological writings of CS Lewis and other writers. One of them was painted up with inverted crosses and was sporting an oh so Satanic Three Day's Grace T-Shirt and reffered to GG Allin as a fake punk. |
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