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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - Now, I don't usually ask for advice... |
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Crystal Shards Keese Level: 19  Posts: 102/126 EXP: 34318 For next: 1459 Since: 03-23-04 From: Ontario, Canada Since last post: 95 days Last activity: 130 days |
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| ...Buuut I'm pretty much at the end of my rope here. (As a forenote, I would like to point out that I love my mother to death, and no, she's not a bad person, she's just doing what she thinks is right for me.) Let me entertain you with a story. Bwah. In any case, it starts with a loverly little girl named Erinn. Little is relative of course, she being a former co-worker and good friend of mine. Well. So, back in April, I told my mother I wanted to move out of the house in August. She was agast, August being far too soon. Then, two weeks later, I quit my job without any notice, or job lined up, effectively ending said plan. As punishment for such a callous and stupid move, she told me I had until August 31st to get a job, find a place, and move out. Pilot to air field, requesting permisison to take off.. So, come to mid-July. I'm still jobless, she's still serious. My friend Erinn tells me that if I can't find a place, it's ok to move in with her until I'm on my feet. I was set, I was good, by mid-August I'd gotten a job and just needed to have it long enough to be liable to a landlord, everything was great. I took up smoking pot on a rare basis. By early August I take up Veganism. Clear blue skies. Two weeks before my move-out date she decided she was uncomfortable around me, didn't like me, and didn't want me moving in or staying overnight ever again. My friends Brian and Chico live there as well. (I'm at Chico's place right now. He said woohoo when he saw his name.) Brian pays half the rent. Naturally, I was a little peeved. Well shit. I take up smoking one or two cigs a day. Thankfully I was able to rent a room from a friend of mine. A little turbulence, nothing major. August 20th, I start getting ready. I'm stressed out of my mind. I start to develop anxiety attacks again. Weaker than the ones that pretty much forced me to either quit or be fired from NuComm, but still strong enough that when it comes on, I can't be within a hundred metres of the building or I go crazy. Well, I've got some leftover lorazepam from when I was at NuComm, so I'm tided over 'till I can find a solution. Captain to crew, we've got nothing to worry about. It's around this time that my ex-girlfriend Dawn came into my life. Now, Dawn and I have a love-hate relationship. That is, she loves me, then she hates me, then she loves me, then she hates me, etc. I cried my eyes out the first time she told me she still adored me, but wasn't in love with me anymore. It was about the exact same time that I, contrary to my own belief, descovered that I was still in love with her. We wind up having sex, and, funny, it's only emotionally awkward afterwards. Long story short, she breaks my heart a few times in the course of the week and I cry a LOT. Starting to lose control about here. This week: the lorazepams are now making me suicidal. They make the panic attacks go away, but with them goes my will to live. I'm now missing work due to anxiety and depression. Also, I ran out of my hormone pills a good while ago, so I'm horribly imbalanced, moods swinging like crazy. Two engines have just burnt out. Yesterday I saw my doctor. She prescribed me Celexa (which I have pursued every other option in the avodance of. I do NOT like drugs that fuck with your head permanently) and gave me the contact info of a therapy group that may not even have any practitioners in St. Catharines. These two options being my last resorts. She also refilled my estrogen and spironolactone. On the bus ride home from Toronto, I fell asleep and woke up seconds before the bus got on the highway to the next city. I ran to the front of the bus and asked the driver to let me off. He did, but left me completely lost with no idea where I was. I also left one of my two favourite rings on the bus. We've lost cabin pressure. Today I missed the fourth day in a row this week (though yesterday was legitimately booked off) so there's a chance that Inteleservices will fire me. Like, in the 60-70% chance range. Dawn also came over this morning and informed me that my friend Matt had comitted suicide. We weren't that close over the past couple months, though we used to be, so the news hit me pretty fucking hard. Mayday. If you've actually read the whole damned thing, thanks. I know there's only a few select people I'd lend this much time to on this board. For the record, no, I am not, under any circumstances, going to commit suicide. I really want to right now, but I couldn't do that to the people who love me. What I'll do with myself as another option, I really don't know. Later. |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57  Posts: 61/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| Dang that's a hell of a lot of problems. I can't see why your mom had to be bogus like that to make Agust 31 the day you had to move out. Next off is why your friend had to diss you like that. I would have let you stay at my place no matter what cuz I don't let my friend's hang like that. Also, that love/hate relationship with ex-girlfriend..I think you should just get over her. Trying not to be mean or anything it just seems like she can't make up her mind about loving you or hating you. Those types of relationships are very awkward..never been in one like that myself though. Also, I've known someone who has commited suicide at the begining of this year. So, I know how it is to lose someone in that way. |
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Ran-chan Moldorm eek, when are they going to stop growing... Level: 143  Posts: 3241/12781 EXP: 35293588 For next: 538220 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima District, Tokyo - Japan Since last post: 12 hours Last activity: 12 hours |
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Oh no... This is terrible to read to say the lest. I don |
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Crystal Shards Keese Level: 19 Posts: 103/126 EXP: 34318 For next: 1459 Since: 03-23-04 From: Ontario, Canada Since last post: 95 days Last activity: 130 days |
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| Yeah, this morning I told my ex that I needed to get over her, and that we had to be just friends. And she was ok with that. Actually, in the past 36 hours, a lot has gone right for me, so I'm feeling lots better now. |
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Ran-chan Moldorm eek, when are they going to stop growing... Level: 143 Posts: 3299/12781 EXP: 35293588 For next: 538220 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima District, Tokyo - Japan Since last post: 12 hours Last activity: 12 hours |
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