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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - Uncle Elmo is a sick, sick man.... |
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Uncle Elmo Hammer Brother Partly Sweet, Helpful, good at advice and a half decent writer. Also modest. Level: 49 Posts: 608/1062 EXP: 845899 For next: 37984 Since: 03-15-04 From: Prestatyn, Uk Since last post: 23 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| I've not ranted here in a while since my very old, almost a year old "Breakup thread", in which if you remember I was close to ending it all. It was a rare case of me being dramatic but utterly, utterly genuine and not overplaying things, as I WAS going to end everything, I had a note written out and a will and everything. SInce then things have gone up and down, like some sort of weird rolercoaster, more up than down but for the most part I manage to hide this from everyone, after all whenever someone askes "How are you?" on AIM and I tell the truth every time "I'm feeling really crappy thanks!" then no one would speak to me. Bottling things up though is a very BAD thing, this all came to a head when I got close to an online friend of mine, and the negativity just overtook me, I began seeking constant reassurance from her and pestering her obsessively. She, quite rightly told me to get lost as I was scaring her, and that, in turn scared yself that I'd do such a thing to a dear friend of mine. I was so horrified I sat in solitary and I've not spoken to her since, must to her relief. Since then, I've kept it all bottled up again, until now. My depression's not enough for me to want to end it all, I'm actually more scared of death than I am of life right now, which is a good thing, but it seems to be manifesting itself in rampant paranoia. I can no longer relax around people online (I seem to be alright in RL, if only because people RL are split roughly into 2 categores, those that make fun of me and those who tolerate me  ), I'm constantly scared of what I'm saying is taken out of context and offending my friends in any way. I keep so much hidden back, I suppose it's crushing my spirit in a way. I think, I just want to be loved I suppose, not that it'll solve everything. I obviously have deep seated emotional turmoil to sort out first, but perhaps it'll prove that I'm not the loathesome disgusting human being ,my psyche has me out to be, because throughout most of my past experiences, that view of myself has been backed up, time and time again. I know what you're thinking, that I need professional help, well the thing is I can't afford it, both the financial cost and what it would do to my income is too crushing, and my job's pretty much one of the few things that enable me to remain coherent, and if I were to seek out professional help then I would DEFINATELY be fired. I suppose I just wanted all you to know why I sometimes act so... strange. I wanted somewhere to vent. I'd usually make this sort of post at the blog, but I think the endless whining has driven visitors away from there. NE eways, until next time, wyl. |
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Ran-chan Moldorm eek, when are they going to stop growing... Level: 143  Posts: 3125/12781 EXP: 35293588 For next: 538220 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima District, Tokyo - Japan Since last post: 12 hours Last activity: 12 hours |
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| We all have had our depressions but it | |||
Kallias Octoballoon Level: 21  Posts: 82/160 EXP: 46075 For next: 3868 Since: 06-02-04 From: Barrhead, Alberta, Canada Since last post: 357 days Last activity: 286 days |
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| Sounds like your over analizing alot of things, basically thinking to much! I can say I have been there, the only advice I can give you is destraction! There are three things that work for me, although every person's tastes and prefrences are unique so these might not work for you...Then again I dont know you! But.... 1. I listen to music constantly, there is only rare moments in time that music is not playing somewhere around me. I like a very wide variety of music, from the faster and complex beats from techno and dance, to the beauty of classical. I just can block all out and focus on music, it's almost like I go into a medatative state, it's very relaxing and can clear my mind. 2. I am an analyst. I have an over active graphical mind and i am very gifted at analysing people. thier action and behaviors...and what they might do next. I find it to be a fun game to try an guess what people are thinking about and what they will do next, prediciting thier next actions. 3. I have a lady friend, online friend also that I have actually never met. I do care for her alot, but a future is impossible...But it's the possible thought that I like, and just generic conversations. To think about happier times, to imagin an ocean view at sunset with her at my side is always a nice relaxation method for me. Those are my three methods....like I said every person is different, but I just stated them to give you and idea. Bottling things up is a very bad thing yes. But it is unwise to face your fears or depression when in that state. You have to learn to relax, calm down, and clear your mind. Some people meditate, others pray to God...you get the idea. Also Religion is an option for you. I personally dont believe in any type of higher power, but I do understand how others do. Just to have the hope that thier is a person who you can just spill out your problems and worries to, and they dont judge you in anyways is a nice relief! And the best help for working out emotional termoil is support and verbal contact with others....If you have a der friend, family or something like that just slowly tell them whats on your mind. Dont rush into it and dont dump it all at once. What goes on in other people's heads can be very overwelming for others who have not experienced the life or sorrow you have. So take it slow. But emotion support from other is always a grand thing...Thats whats this section of this board is for, but sometimes first person is better. I only recomend professional help if the person in question has no one else to talk with...I'v seen you around the board and you seem like a pretty good guy, well rounded and well liked so this is a perfect place for ya. Everything works out in the end if you devote the time and effort needed to overcome it....So just keep together and dont over-react in a more emotional situation, if one should arrise....Thinking things clearly through and analyzing all the good and better in your life is always and answer to alot of emotional problems. You'll be fine, I am confident....especially with the support of people like some on this board! |
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Sofie Level: 52 Posts: 733/1210 EXP: 1028812 For next: 55028 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 187 days Last activity: 279 days |
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Originally posted by Kallias Poor guy could've saved himself the trouble of posting that entire paragraph and left it at this. You're a nice guy Elmo. You just tend to have bad luck in things these days, but you'll get over it. If you could somewhat get over the break up with your fianc |
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Uncle Elmo Hammer Brother Partly Sweet, Helpful, good at advice and a half decent writer. Also modest. Level: 49 Posts: 637/1062 EXP: 845899 For next: 37984 Since: 03-15-04 From: Prestatyn, Uk Since last post: 23 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Thanks for the advice. You're right about me thinking of things too much, when I have other things to think about I'm alright, what I NEED is a laptop so I can concentrate on my writing (I can't do it ont this comp because my Dad constantly complains of my typing). Thanks everyone./ |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.  Level: 73  Posts: 278/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| I think too much too. I distinctly remember my friends in high school telling me that too, come to think of it. But yeah, taking your mind off things is generally a good thing (unless the stuff you're worrying about needs to be taken care of immediately, of course...  ) |
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Kallias Octoballoon Level: 21 Posts: 86/160 EXP: 46075 For next: 3868 Since: 06-02-04 From: Barrhead, Alberta, Canada Since last post: 357 days Last activity: 286 days |
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| Most things in life should not be ingored, especially the badder and less tasteful side. But help to focus and calm down your mind first is always a grand first step in any direction! Best of luck to you elmo. Your a smart guy, i'm sure you will work it all out in the end for the better. And you always got the great people from the acmlm's board to help you along the way!!! |
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Ambigore Shyguy Level: 17 Posts: 89/95 EXP: 22388 For next: 2355 Since: 03-27-04 Since last post: 208 days Last activity: 10 days |
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| I feel your anguish, Elmo. My life is pretty directionless at the moment too, but I feel one of the best ways to pick myself up is to create a plan for my life and devise solutions. Things don't always work out, but that's life, and you have to constantly re-adjust. Since "professional help" seems beyond your reach, there's nothing really stopping you from grabbing a few "self-help" books. Some of them are crap, but there's a few that are good. How's your fitness regime going? | |||
Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57  Posts: 60/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| Wow it's bad to hear about this. If you ever need someone to rant to about how you feel just IM me over AIM. I'll listen to what ever you have to say. I usually listen to all my friend's problems and try to help them out the best that I can. I'm not one to run away from obsessive talkers who need to let things out. Yeah I guess this goes for anyone who needs to let things out and kind of freak people put by doing so. I can take any kind of rants cuz I'm tough to listen to these kinds of things. |
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Raistlin the Red Robed Paragoomba Level: 15  Posts: 56/76 EXP: 14064 For next: 2320 Since: 08-08-04 From: Fort Hood, Texas Since last post: 362 days Last activity: 318 days |
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| When I IM you and ask how you are you say Raistlin Sama (6:44:32 AM): How do you feel today? Neo Uncle Elmo (6:44:52 AM): So, so. How about you? Raistlin Sama (11:15:22 AM): What's up Neo? Neo Uncle Elmo (11:15:34 AM): Nothing much, how about you? I'm always ready and willing to lean an ear on you, but ya never seem to wanna take it... |
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Super Sion You BlockHead! Level: 70 Posts: 1164/2472 EXP: 3002513 For next: 13298 Since: 03-15-04 From: Yo Mommas House Since last post: 29 min. Last activity: 5 min. |
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Alright Elmos given tons of advice through out the years and now its my turn. I understand that your depressed and you have good reason to be but listen, you must stand up strong and move on in life. Im a strong believer that life is only as good as you make it, sure youll have your hardships but its your ability to overcome them that will truly put you on the path to a happy life. There are plenty of Woman out there, all you have to do is search. Or you may be lucky enough to just stumble upon one, but you must have faith and you must keep that faith strong. Your a great man Elmo, and the world needs you. |
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Valentine Revolution Leever Level: 24  Posts: 157/199 EXP: 68616 For next: 9509 Since: 03-15-04 From: UK Since last post: 103 days Last activity: 59 days |
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| When I was depressed, I had my initial consultation with a social worker who reffered me to psychotherapy. I never went though because I told her near enough everything, and to do that helped me loads. Because only a stranger could hear everything. There are things I don't tell my friends, other things I don't tell my parents and some things I don't really tell Kasumi. So my advice is to just rant at someone, anyone, and get every tiny thing off your chest. I'm not really on AIM anymore, but if you wanna chat, just PM me and I'll reinstall it. You do think too much and that makes it a lot worse. I know. Peace of mind will only come when you stop thinking and say 'Yeah, whatever will be will be'. I do it too even though I know I shouldn't. Anyway, I'm here if you need me. Just don't go on anti-depressants or anything, because they're evil things that steal your soul and everything that makes you who you are. |
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Deleted User Banned Level: 8 Posts: 1/12 EXP: 1736 For next: 451 Since: 01-23-01 Since last post: 13089 days Last activity: 21 days |
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| Well, Elmo I'm gonna drop a gem on you brother, in that we only a few times now that you don't actually see me as an idiot backstabber, etc. The conversations about Shenmue are very fun with you, and I think you need to rely on us to tell you how much we are actually here for you. We have ALL been though that phase, and next time we talk on AIM, I'll tell you some of the shit I been through. But, your stronger than you think, and believe you have people who will listen. And, if you wanna know who I am, ryohazuki2k3 should give everything away. |
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Prier Archangel Administrative Priestess. NUCLEAR SUB WEEEOOOO Level: 119  Posts: 3851/8392 EXP: 18790939 For next: 138352 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima Dist. - Tokyo, Japan Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| Not even gonna ask. It's a bump...and I don't even know what the relationship is with this person to Elmo but... [closes] |
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