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Neomagnus Micro-Goomba Level: 7 Posts: 6/15 EXP: 1378 For next: 70 Since: 04-18-04 Since last post: 132 days Last activity: 132 days |
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| I want to start by telling anyone that knows me (and I use that word lightly) to stop reading right now. This is just a few things I felt like I had to get off my chest. I was sitting in a quiet place I like to go to and was thinking today, I started to think about myself and my traits. The first thing that came to me was my intellegence, I had always told people that I was in MENSA but that was just sa lie to make myself seem more interesting. Next I though of my different abilities and talants, the things I had told people I could do were mostly exageration and half truths because I was not really good at anything. I continued to think and I came to the conclution that I know abolutly nothing about myself, everything I told people I could do were mosty lies and the really fucked up thing was that I was starting to beleve some of the things I was saying. It feels like there is so many false layers around myself that I am losing myself, or rather lost myself. I also realized that I was very lonly. Not for friend or companions, but that I needed to feel love. I do not think I have ever felt real love in my intire life. I need to know if I am capable of love and being loved. Sorry to get all mushy there but I had to say it. I tried to find a girlfriend but to no avail. The only girl that would have anything to do with me turned me down flatly and then refused to talk to me no matter what I did. I even tried to stop lieing but I found that without my falseness I had nothing to say or feel. I was feeling nothing and I realized I had been feeling nothing for a long time, I could be scard or happy or even angry but really there were empty. I relitive said I should try religion and "giving myself to god" but I could not really get into it, I really had nothing to give anyway. Then I thought, maybe that is what I am. I feel nothing because I am nothing. I become something when people think I am something. With my family I am a smart loving son or grandson or whatever. To my friends I am a brilliant goofball who is just a little nuts, but what am I really? I think what I really want sometimes is to be forgotten, to radiate a field of forgetfulness so no one could feel sad or anything for me and I could be free to be myself. Pure, untanted, nothing. |
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Kallias Octoballoon Level: 21  Posts: 46/160 EXP: 46075 For next: 3868 Since: 06-02-04 From: Barrhead, Alberta, Canada Since last post: 357 days Last activity: 286 days |
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| I read it...kill me later i don't care...and Lord Rahl checks up on these messages boards alot, so he's gonna see it to....dont worry he's.......him....lol nothing bad will come from it. I'm not quite sure what to say....it's like our whole litte clan of friends is sorta useless to the rest of society in other people's eyes...but every one find someone eventually.....I hope, lol. But you really need something like a fun job...your room mates seem to be ontop of the rent so just get a job you like, but can still pay a little into rent and food, and such. You love games and anime....i know this for a fact...*cough*chatter box*cough* So in the city your staying at there are plenty of Game and Hobby shops....and with your fairly good build you would imtimidte those who want to steal....i'd say thats a good choice in an employee!!! But unfortunatly i am not 18 yet....and my dad hasnt won his suit's yet....But the second either one happens first....We gonna go clubbin!! Good music and fun dancing....and if you dont like either one to bad, I over power you, and i know you like them so there!!!! But keep your thoughts high and such....dont go into any kinda real deep depression where you dont wanna do anything and just wanna mope around all day, not to healthy....and you eat to much pizza lol so not a good mix.....Everything seems to work out in the end....so dont worry about it, we'll find ya a girl yet... |
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Book Keeper ♫♫♫ n00blet ♫♫♫  Level: 21 Posts: 77/160 EXP: 49435 For next: 508 Since: 03-15-04 From: Wired Bookworm eat fresh! Since last post: 20 hours Last activity: 8 hours |
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| umm...Kallias he'll get tired of pizza after a week of it. Before I start trying to help I am going to say, I am not a psychiatrist(Although it would be easier if i were), and note: I am a christian. Don't by eny means go and kill your self, it would be a waste (not a good idea). Friend ships don't happen overnight (if you get what I am saying, It takes time). If you have family thay proply love you. Religion is not a bad path, "I beleave becouse I beleave". I will be checking back for replies (If i should post more or if that is all). (edited by Lain on 08-17-04 08:42 PM) |
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Neomagnus Micro-Goomba Level: 7 Posts: 7/15 EXP: 1378 For next: 70 Since: 04-18-04 Since last post: 132 days Last activity: 132 days |
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| Don't worry, I am not suicidal. I am just lonly and I guess a little insecer with the fact that I am not sure if I am capable of loving some one but I would like to try. | |||
Lord Rahl Snap Dragon Level: 43  Posts: 451/792 EXP: 544657 For next: 20389 Since: 03-15-04 From: Temple of the Winds - Training Room Since last post: 43 days Last activity: 7 days |
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Lain, I personally know both these people and Neomagnus has been eating pizza for a lot longer than a week. XD A fort out a pizza boxes sound like enough pizza?  Remember Neomagnus, out of the little talks we've had, I can be A LOT more depressing then you can. And yes, I'm almost as much of a goofball as you.As for love, you'll find someone eventually. Remember, I once had a crush on a girl who, after she found about it, disappeared for three months then got a friend to say she died. She then showed back up a month later. You'll be fine.  Trust me. |
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Kallias Octoballoon Level: 21 Posts: 48/160 EXP: 46075 For next: 3868 Since: 06-02-04 From: Barrhead, Alberta, Canada Since last post: 357 days Last activity: 286 days |
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| and if you really want companionship......sounds like Lord Rahl there is a little lonely also.....lol but seriously, you'll be fine....Ya just gotta find a gal with similar interests...and one who likes pizza as much as you!! Just keep trying, rejection is always a grand possibility, try not to let it get ya down, always someone else you can try to start something else with...dont give up, i know people with tazers....they can be motivating...lol, it'll work out in the end, you'll see |
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HighSorceressDelial Buzzy Beetle DDR FREAK Slayer of Beasts Savior of Worlds Eater of Napkins Level: 31  Posts: 242/380 EXP: 181041 For next: 4322 Since: 03-15-04 From: Shimmering Waters Of Avden Since last post: 9 days Last activity: 2 days |
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| Ok, well first the obvious, lying to your self and other people never gets you anywhere. Second, you need to find yourself. Literally. If you really don't know your self that's the first clue you have to get your butt in motion and start learning. Start by meditating, or just taking 10-30 minutes a day to just think about things. No depressing thoughts, and no putting your self down though. That's not learning about your self, that's just putting yourself down. That's not what this is for. Next, while you're thinking about things and yourself, find the things you love doing. (No this does not mean eating pizza, think of something healthy and constructive. Art, writing, programming, sports, making music, etc. find your passion. Once you do, even if you suck at it that's ok, because know what? You've got the rest of your life to get better at it. Then you can be that much prouder of your self for every bit of improvement you make. Don't just find one thing you love doing, find as many as you can and do and work on all of them. Not only will this make you feel good, but you'll be happier in general. And once your happier in general, and really find your self, THEN it'll be easier for someone else to love you. Because really, if you don't love you, how can you expect someone else to? Yes it happens all the time, and should, but it still should be motivation for you to want to. And stop all that "nothing" talk, I don't believe it and really, I don't think you do either. Because if you did you wouldn't have even bothered posting. ~Delial |
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Jarukoth  IRRATIONAL EXUBERENCE!!1! Level: 79  Posts: 1511/3194 EXP: 4402011 For next: 177456 Since: 03-17-04 From: New Jersey, U.S.A. Shoes: Yes. Since last post: 8 days Last activity: 1 day |
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| It's these types of threads that really aggrivate me. People who talk about how worthless their life is, or how bleak the world looks piss me off. I find that to be a total cry for attention. Here's what I perscribe. - Stop lying. This should be obvious. - Find God. This is the one thing that will have the most impact. When your relative said "give yourself to God", they didn't mean some sort of bodily or monetary sacrifice. They mean living your life for God, and live your life according to how he would want you to live. I guarantee that if you do dedicate yourself to the Lord, and truly believe, life will make so much more sense. God has done so much for me already. A few years back, I was just like you. Boring, felt like I was nothing, thought that nobody would ever love me, had no idea what I was good at, and the like. Then, I decided to look at things from God's perspective. That's when I began to see things as they were. As for me now, I still haven't found love, and I still don't know what I am going to do with the rest of my life. But, that's okay, because I know that God has a plan for my life. If you want a place to start, read a book called The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Trust me, I have seen so many lives turned around already. Even if you aren't totally convinced (I know I'm not the best debator in the world), read it anyway. It will do you good. |
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Neomagnus Micro-Goomba Level: 7 Posts: 8/15 EXP: 1378 For next: 70 Since: 04-18-04 Since last post: 132 days Last activity: 132 days |
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| Like I had said in the main post I tryed religion but it was not for me. I am not insulting your life and how you live it But the one thing I do know is that I live for myself and I do not like being controld. Nigel, I am saying this as a friend. STFU, I appriate you advice but please do not belletel what I am going through. Delial, your post was most helpful and thank you. Thou I tryed meditating and found after about forty minutes I get a very bad nightmare. I do not know where it comes from but it is pretty nasty. |
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Bella Ludwig Von Koopa You're Gonna Love Me Level: 76  Posts: 979/2962 EXP: 3891483 For next: 114577 Since: 03-29-04 From: Groovy Way Since last post: 8 min. Last activity: 6 min. |
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| Bleh, for one you should stop lying to yourself and others. It hurts people and yourself. I think thats where you went wrong and I agree with Delial that you need to find yourself. When you do think about your life, you shouldn't put yourself down or say how you're nothing. That doesn't help you at all, it just makes you worse. Don't worry about finding love or anything right now. It's just not your time yet. Your time will come so just don't worry about not finding true love yet, it'll come to you when the time is right. |
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mrmenz Slime Level: 30 Posts: 204/347 EXP: 157982 For next: 7887 Since: 03-15-04 From: USA/PA Since last post: 8 hours Last activity: 39 days |
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| One thing I think you should note is almost everybody feels like you are now at one time or another, and every person has their own way of solving it whether it be finding god or simply taking up a hobby. Do what you love, and if you cant find something you like to do go out and search. It seems to me you lie about yourself because your not comfortable with who you are. Find your likes and hobbys and what your good at and that makes you who you are. Remember we can really only offer advice, but what you do is your decision. I hope this helped since im not that great at giving advice and helping people. (edited by mrmenz on 08-18-04 12:25 PM) |
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