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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - stalker... advice? |
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CosmoGamerX Tektite Level: 13 Posts: 29/52 EXP: 8062 For next: 2205 Since: 07-28-04 From: Coventry USA Since last post: 328 days Last activity: 162 days |
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| i really need advice with this problem. there is this friend of mine. he's really nice and everything but he wont leave me alone! here's the story from the top: this friend of mine, call him Bob. bob really liked my best friend... we'll call her betty. bob really liked betty for a long time... he asked her out a bunch of times, and she went out with him once or twice just to humor him. day in and day out he'd badger me about whether i thought betty liked him or not. he'd ask for all this advice, and no matter how many times i said that, he'd still ask. he called, he emailed, he im-ed. i was a little sick of it, but what are friends for? so i continued to do the best i could to help him. one day, bob tells me he's just realized that he doesn't think betty likes him. after "no shit" runs through my mind a couple times, i offer all the customary consolations and whatnot... then, not ten SECONDS later, he asks me out... "hey, maybe we could go minigolfing sometime" besides minigolfing being a really wierd date idea, i really don't like him all that much. and i made the mistake a while ago of going *as friends* with him to a dance our school had, so i know what hell it is to be alone with him. he's just unbearable to be with. he's dry, humorless and all he talks about is track and schoolwork... i really dont want to go anywhere with him... ever. but he's a nice guy and i am way to afraid of being mean to tell him off... what would you guys do? any guys want to tell me which method of letting him down would hurt him the least? ~texx~ |
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Kallias Octoballoon Level: 21  Posts: 26/160 EXP: 46075 For next: 3868 Since: 06-02-04 From: Barrhead, Alberta, Canada Since last post: 357 days Last activity: 286 days |
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| Well you cant keep living the lie, the longer is goes on the more trouble it will be for him. So you should tell him asap. Just let him know that hes not what your looking for right now, That hes a nice guy (going off what you said here...so correct me if i am wrong) and he will find sumone one day but it's not you. Just make sure your calm about it..and try not to do it over the phone, thats just a little mean. He just sounds like he over estimates his crushes, big or small. So again just let him down nice and slow, he might be a little upset at first but everyone gets over it, Way of life. | |||
Grey the Stampede Don't mess with powers you don't understand. And yes. That means donuts. Level: 82  Posts: 443/3770 EXP: 5192909 For next: 16318 Since: 06-17-04 From: Kingston, RI, USA, Earth Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| I've told you once. I've told you a second time. I told you three damn times. Stop. Being. Nice. If you just keep leading him on like this, not only is he gonna be devastated when he finds out he's not as successful as he thinks with you, he's also gonna dislike you due to the "She led me on!" logic that obviously many guys exhibit. "Bob" is a really nice guy. He does mean well. All you have to do is just tell him, he's mature enough to understand. Trust me, he didn't get so broken down when Betty told him she didn't like him, I seriously doubt he'll be crying in his bedroom at 3:AM if you tell him. |
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Prier Archangel Administrative Priestess. NUCLEAR SUB WEEEOOOO Level: 119  Posts: 2564/8392 EXP: 18790939 For next: 138352 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima Dist. - Tokyo, Japan Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| Grey's got the idea, not to be a hardass, but I'd deep six him...if he's not doing anything for you other than giving you more stress, then he doesn't deserve to be around in your life. There's not going to be any way you're going to be able to let him down that doesn't drill a hole in him for rejection, that's pretty much the only way, even by being nice and attempting to let him down easy. Sorry, but it's not easy telling or taking it. That's just how it is. If what Grey says is true, I think you'd do everyone a favor by telling him you don't care for him like that anymore, or never did for that reason. Like he said, the longer you lead him on, the harder it's going to be to let him off the hook and vice versa. |
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random Goomba Level: 10 Posts: 10/32 EXP: 3871 For next: 543 Since: 08-02-04 From: Eastern Deathville Since last post: 387 days Last activity: 276 days |
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| Yeah, I would stop right there and tell him to bugger off. The last person I liked out of pitty ended up masturbating in my bedroom and later violating some of my bears. So are you still compelled not to hurt him? | |||
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Sofie Level: 52 Posts: 646/1210 EXP: 1028812 For next: 55028 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 187 days Last activity: 279 days |
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| There's being nice and being nice. You say you're afraid to be mean to him, but isn't it alot more mean to let him live in the illusion you like him? The longer you keep it up, the harder he'll fall, so I'd say the best advice anyone can give you is to dump him asap. And make it very, very clear. He sounds like the kind of guy who needs things made very clear to him. |
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alte Hexe Star Mario I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night Alive as you and me "But Joe you're ten years dead!" "I never died" said he "I never died!" said he Level: 99  Posts: 948/5458 EXP: 9854489 For next: 145511 Since: 03-15-04 From: ... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| He ASKED to go MINIGOLFING. When I ask my friends who are female to go bowling or golfing or whatever I'm not making it a date. Maybe he just wanted to hangout and talk. |
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Prier Archangel Administrative Priestess. NUCLEAR SUB WEEEOOOO Level: 119 Posts: 2591/8392 EXP: 18790939 For next: 138352 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima Dist. - Tokyo, Japan Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| That could very well be the case...but from what she's implying, it seems to be more than just wanting to hang out, especially by Grey's comments on the matter. | |||
Bella Ludwig Von Koopa You're Gonna Love Me Level: 76  Posts: 856/2962 EXP: 3891483 For next: 114577 Since: 03-29-04 From: Groovy Way Since last post: 8 min. Last activity: 6 min. |
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Originally posted by Grey EXACTLY! Just tell him that you aren't interested. How much could it hurt? Don't worry about how you're going to make him feel. Just let him down the regular why. You don't have to tell him in a mean way. Just to make your point that you don't want to be linked to him in that way. I think he wants more than just to go minigolfing.  Stop leading him on. If you don't want to go do things with him then just don't. That simple. |
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kiwibonga Double metal axe Level: 27  Posts: 174/266 EXP: 106040 For next: 10119 Since: 03-15-04 From: Montreal, QC, Canada Since last post: 126 days Last activity: 3 days |
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| I think the only reason you're keeping him around is because you actually enjoy his company but don't want to be seen with him, or something... If I was a girl, or transformed into a girl right this instant, I would be a total slut... So my advice is go out with him, you might regret it later  Interesting thing you might want to know is that if he wants to go out with you the only reason he wants to be your friend is so he can go out with you, if you turn him down he won't be interested anymore and probably won't talk to you anymore :/ I mean, that's how girl-boy relationships usually work.. |
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CosmoGamerX Tektite Level: 13 Posts: 32/52 EXP: 8062 For next: 2205 Since: 07-28-04 From: Coventry USA Since last post: 328 days Last activity: 162 days |
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| wrong kiwibonga. i can see how you'd guess that from how i wrote it, but i really dont enjoy his company at all. i hate him. and i'm not "keeping him around" he's blocked in all my instant message programs, in livejournal, and i hide when he comes to visit me at work. when he calls, my sister and parents are under the strictest instruction to say i'm not home. and if i answer it, my parents are usually nice enough to tell me we have to get going in a voice loud enough for him to hear. lol. and legion, i know it may just be because he wants to hang out and talk, but i really dont like him and i dont want to hang out with him. its not like i dont want to be seen with him, because he's not really one of those people who you'd worry about when it comes to "being seen with them". he's just SO DRY. i mean, its like talking to ben stein's character from ferris bueller's day off. his voice is monotonous, he doesn't interest me in the least, all he talks about is track, and i hate sports. we have no common interests, and he's a straight a's honors very smart person, so he lords it over everyon ehe talks to like he's better than you. especially me. he's always condescending when he talks about hte fact that i want to pursue a career in art while he wants to go into aerospace engineering or some shit like that. he pisses me off, he bores me, and he interests me in no way. oh and thanks for all the advice everyone :-D and i'm sorry if i sound mean, i'm just correcting some information to make sure you all have the exact story |
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Ambigore Shyguy Level: 17 Posts: 67/95 EXP: 22388 For next: 2355 Since: 03-27-04 Since last post: 208 days Last activity: 10 days |
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| Cosmo, I don't really see your problem. Do something you're sure he'll dislike. Date him, and be his worst nightmare - be bitchy, wear week-old clothes reeking of sweat and bad odour, demand him to pay for EVERYTHING (and I mean everything no matter how small. In fact, the smaller it is, the better just to show how ultra-cheap you are). Say you only date guys six inches or bigger. Talk about other guys when around him ALL THE TIME. HEAP all of your emotional muck on to him 24/7. Call him up about the stupidest of problems ("I broke a fingernail.") Say you dream of a future where you can stay home, hire a nanny to take care of the kids and expect your husband to work his ass off so you can afford to go shoe-shopping every few days. Complain about your ex-b/fs ALL THE TIME. If you don't have any ex-es, make them up. Or complain about the b/fs of your friends. Just bitch, nag and complain, all the while expecting him to make you happy. You get the idea: turn into a venomous, spineless, life-sucking parasite. He'll shake you off in no time. Luckily for him, both of you aren't married. :b (edited by Ambigore on 08-04-04 10:57 AM) |
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CosmoGamerX Tektite Level: 13 Posts: 33/52 EXP: 8062 For next: 2205 Since: 07-28-04 From: Coventry USA Since last post: 328 days Last activity: 162 days |
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lol thanks for that that was amusing. |
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kornfan There's a BARB in my EYE! No reregistering, Mr. Permabanned! Level: 38  Posts: 478/622 EXP: 344540 For next: 25907 Since: 06-27-04 From: the middle of fu**ing nowhere... Since last post: 414 days Last activity: 297 days |
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| Actually, it's near sane advice. Yo don't really have to hurt his feelingss, but there's really no other way. Basically, no matter what happens, he'll get over it. Just tell hi that you don't think about him that way, and that you dont really think that you guys should hang out any more. Like it was said before, he's had it happen to him once, he's practically used to it. | |||
Dracoon Zelda The temp ban/forum ban bypasser! Level: 84  Posts: 1081/3727 EXP: 5514391 For next: 147561 Since: 03-25-04 From: At home Since last post: 5 hours Last activity: 5 hours |
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| Just tell him off if he is stalking you he deserves it. If you really don't like "Bob" then tell him you don't. Nothing will be acomplished if you don't. Only be mean though if he doesn't accept it. Yell at him if he doesn't get the point. | |||
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Ambigore Shyguy Level: 17 Posts: 71/95 EXP: 22388 For next: 2355 Since: 03-27-04 Since last post: 208 days Last activity: 10 days |
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| Telling him off may not necessarilly work in quashing his feelings for you (unless you act like a bitch about it). I still like my advice better. |
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Grey the Stampede Don't mess with powers you don't understand. And yes. That means donuts. Level: 82 Posts: 491/3770 EXP: 5192909 For next: 16318 Since: 06-17-04 From: Kingston, RI, USA, Earth Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| For once, Ambigore, I have to agree with you, unfortunately this guy would probably benefit heavily if Tex decided to be a bitch to him, he'd definitely learn his lesson. That's why I said to stop being so nice. Hell if she won't do it soon, I'm gonna. |
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