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| 0 user currently in Craziness Domain. | 2 guests |
| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Craziness Domain - Think you're a comedian? Maybe you are! |
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Clockworkz Birdo  "Hoargh! Take your shoes off!" Level: 64  Posts: 32/2002 EXP: 2188320 For next: 25777 Since: 03-15-04 From: Undisclosed Since last post: 12 hours Last activity: 12 hours |
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| If you have any good comedy stuff, post it here, funnyman! My bit: Here's something that's pissing me off: Airline security. What the fuck is all this shit; being frisked 20 times by a guy with a double-digit I.Q and a triple digit income only to find nothing. No bombs. Yet. People are saying,"Well, the terrorists know that their bags are going to be checked so they're leaving their bombs at home". No. There are no bombs. It's fucking stupid. They'll take away a gun, but let you keep a knife; well, what the fuck is that? Hypothetically, you can bring a cleaver, a hatchet, an axe, 6 knitting needles, a chainsaw and a broken whiskey bottle and all they'll say is,"Can that bag fit all the way under the seat in front of you?" And if you forgot your weapon, don't worry; they give you a fork and knife! They give you a fucking knife! it's a table knife, but you can kill a pilot with a table knife; it may take you a while...especially if he's hefty, you know? But sure, you could kill a pilot with a table knife...if you really wanted to kill the prick! Or how about a man with big powerful hands? You could strangle a flight attendent; hell, you could probably starangle two of 'em if you get em' in that little kitchen area before they give out the fucking peanuts; one in each hand! So why do they allow a man with big powerful hands onto a plane? Well, they KNOW he's not a security risk, 'cause he answered the 3 major questions: Question 1: Did you pack your bags yourself? No. Carrot Top packed my bags. He, Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson all came over, cooked me a *lovely* lobster dinner, gave me a full-body massage with sacred oils from India, performed a 4-way around the world, then they packed my bags. Next question. Question 2: Have your bags been with you the whole time? No. Ususally, the night before I fly, just as the moon is rising, I leave my bags unattended on a street corner for several hours...just for good luck. Next Question. Question 3: Have any unknown people been handling your bag? Hmmm... Well what is an unknown person? Surely, everyone is known to SOMEone. In fact, Kareem and Abdul-Ali-Ben-Jama seemed to know each other quite well... They kept joking between themselves as to which one of my bags was the heaviest! *bows* Thank You! (edited by Clockworkz on 03-17-04 07:05 PM) |
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Havoks Red Koopa Level: 19  Posts: 8/121 EXP: 32533 For next: 3244 Since: 03-15-04 From: Toronto Canada Since last post: 27 days Last activity: 26 days |
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| you suck at being funny | |||
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Alastor the Stylish Hey! I made a cool game! It's called "I poisoned half the food, so if you eat you might die!" Have a taco.  Level: 114  Posts: 143/7620 EXP: 16258468 For next: 51099 Since: 03-15-04 From: Oregon, US Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| That isn't even close to funny | |||
Iggy Koopa Red Cheep-cheep Level: 24 Posts: 13/214 EXP: 76441 For next: 1684 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 66 days Last activity: 12 days |
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Originally posted by Havoks Now that, is what I call funny! (edited by Iggy Koopa on 08-09-04 03:10 PM) |
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Bogie Purple Leever Level: 24  Posts: 30/201 EXP: 69651 For next: 8474 Since: 03-15-04 From: New York Since last post: 245 days Last activity: 72 days |
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| I think i'm going to have to agree. Maybe in person it would be funnier.. |
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Clockworkz Birdo "Hoargh! Take your shoes off!" Level: 64 Posts: 35/2002 EXP: 2188320 For next: 25777 Since: 03-15-04 From: Undisclosed Since last post: 12 hours Last activity: 12 hours |
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| yea you're right... i'm more expressive in person. Anyways, let's not get off topic here... post your comedy bits here! P.S.: I never said I was good at being funny... it was just an attempt... jeez. |
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Izlude Octoballoon Level: 22  Posts: 72/171 EXP: 54655 For next: 3695 Since: 03-15-04 From: Canada Since last post: 421 days Last activity: 14 days |
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Tough crowd..  (they're right though  )I have no comedy bits. Comedy's not my thing. |
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Surverus Paratroopa Level: 21  Posts: 63/149 EXP: 44438 For next: 5505 Since: 03-15-04 From: Chatham, Kent, England, UK, Europe, Earth. Since last post: 116 days Last activity: 105 days |
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| A man walked into a bar... OUCH | |||
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Kefka Indefinitely Unbanned Level: 81 Posts: 208/3392 EXP: 4826208 For next: 166641 Since: 03-15-04 From: Pomona, CALIFORNIA BABY! Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 4 hours |
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Originally posted by Surverus Heh, I actually got a snicker outta this, unlike the first post. Sorry, Clocky  |
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Iggy Koopa Red Cheep-cheep Level: 24 Posts: 16/214 EXP: 76441 For next: 1684 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 66 days Last activity: 12 days |
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| That joke was funny at some point (Surverus') but it eventually got overused. Here's one that is stupid and may not make you laugh. It is called the peaches joke. A guy tells his son to go buy peaches and not to buy rotton ones. So his son buys some rotten peaches. (edited by Iggy Koopa on 08-14-04 09:55 AM) |
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Prier Archangel Administrative Priestess. NUCLEAR SUB WEEEOOOO Level: 119  Posts: 44/8392 EXP: 18790939 For next: 138352 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima Dist. - Tokyo, Japan Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| I find it funny that people are trying to be funny. | |||
Utilityman Like Like Level: 44  Posts: 174/813 EXP: 566605 For next: 44680 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 353 days Last activity: 4 days |
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| Havok can do more with five words than Clock can do with a paragraph. Is that not funny? Kyouji needs to bring back his 'you suck at the internet' sig. |
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Surverus Paratroopa Level: 21 Posts: 64/149 EXP: 44438 For next: 5505 Since: 03-15-04 From: Chatham, Kent, England, UK, Europe, Earth. Since last post: 116 days Last activity: 105 days |
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Originally posted by Lilina err that joke was never funny.. even at the age of about 3. |
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Alastor the Stylish Hey! I made a cool game! It's called "I poisoned half the food, so if you eat you might die!" Have a taco. Level: 114 Posts: 145/7620 EXP: 16258468 For next: 51099 Since: 03-15-04 From: Oregon, US Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| I would, really, I'd like to, but randomimage.us took it off and I only have it saved to my comp that doesn't work anymore. | |||
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Havoks Red Koopa Level: 19 Posts: 10/121 EXP: 32533 For next: 3244 Since: 03-15-04 From: Toronto Canada Since last post: 27 days Last activity: 26 days |
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| So, I was talking to this girl, and we were really hitting it off. She invited me to her place, but you know, I was 15 and I was surprised she didn't notice. Being 15 and a little late with puberty, I still sounded and looked like a little kid so I was pretty sure she was a pedophile but who cares, she was hot. So we're at her place, I'm sitting on her couch, when she comes out and says in a seductive voice, "Come in my room." And what adolescent boy hasn't dreamed of this? She shows me a small packet and I was pretty sure it was a condom, then she slowly walks to the washroom and says, "Hold on a second, I have to put this on." | |||
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Toxic in a sublime state of mind Level: 75  Posts: 261/2857 EXP: 3732709 For next: 94195 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 3 days Last activity: 8 hours |
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Originally posted by Havoks That = funny. (edited by Toxic on 03-17-04 08:05 PM) |
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Luigi Red Koopa Level: 19 Posts: 59/126 EXP: 34570 For next: 1207 Since: 03-15-04 From: Friday the 13th Since last post: 521 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| Clockworkz, that isn't funny. It's just a rant. |
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NSNick Laidback Admin Level: 85  Posts: 26/3875 EXP: 5895841 For next: 2699 Since: 03-15-04 From: North Side School: OSU Since last post: 9 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| Havoks wins. Teh End. | |||
Kitten Yiffer Purple wand Furry moderator Vivent l'exp����¯�¿�½������©rience de signalisation d'amusement, ou bien ! Level: 135 Posts: 376/11162 EXP: 28824106 For next: 510899 Since: 03-15-04 From: Sweden Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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Jokes works better when you tell them, not reading them.  Still rembember when I got problems breathing becuse I saw something on TV that was so funny... |
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Legion banning people for no reason sure is fun Level: 101  Posts: 150/5657 EXP: 10399737 For next: 317938 Since: 03-15-04 From: The Crossroads is under attack! Since last post: 5 days Last activity: 5 days |
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| Dude...... Clockworkz, admit it. You completely STOLE that from George Carlin. Verbatim too!  |
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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Craziness Domain - Think you're a comedian? Maybe you are! |
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