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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - Tough (love) decisions have been getting the best of me lately... |
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 539/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| OFF: Before I begin, I would like to get something else off my chest regarding my "attitude" on this board as of late (it actually dates back to when I first started posting over on the old board, so it's not just in the present)... I know I have the tendency to not always say the right things, or use my words wisely, even to moderators. Whenever I read something I disagree with, I often times tend to be brash and over opinionated, and I know I might have offended some people in doing so, and for those people, I would just like to say this... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend anyone. It's just that some of these posts make me mad, and when I get mad, I can get pretty nasty in voicing my opinion. At the same time, I know it's never the right thing to do, and I try my very best to fight these tendencies, but I just can't contain it. I've been pushed and mocked to the point that I can't help but shove every ounce of my frustration down their throats, and for that, I apologize. The feud with Schwa's pretty much been settled, but Grey on the other hand, we still have some grievances to push aside for right now, if you're reading this (which you very well might be). I will start by saying that I, in no way, dislike Grey, or have a problem with him in any way. I just found it unfair how he accuses me of cheating in SBing when I felt I've pretty much fallen victim to people doing the same (full story is in the latest posts in that forum of mine), while he did nothing about THAT. That's all. It's nothing personal. Really. ____________________________________________________________________ My love life's been so difficult yet so tragic to handle that I just don't know what to do, anymore. Starting from the very beginning... I've laid my eyes on Girl #1 for quite some time now (not giving away any real names here), and I really like(d) her a lot at the time, and still hold a place for her in my heart someplace. It's just that our school schedules separated us from eachother at all times during school (we were in none of the same classes together, we had different lunch periods, and I've seen her but a few times out of school) and I rarely saw her, which weighed heavily on my heart. I loved her... but I knew I had to wait, wait for the chance to hopefully some day claim my opportunity. That "day" being the next semester. She's not in any of my classes like I dearly hoped, but we at least have the same lunch period, and I'm seeing her now.  With that in mind, I immediately gave the word out that I have long desires for her, and she got the message, too, but we had to wait it out another week or so for she was still dating her boyfriend who she was on the verge of breaking up with at the time. But when it was all said and done, we finally decided to break down on 'relationship' talks, with the help of some buddies of mine, and things were going well. I was the first person to tap her shoulder, too. I knew she was available thereafter, and wasted no time getting her attention. I've waited too long to hold back any further. And so this went on for another week, when I felt like I was about to make good on my promise to be a good boyfriend for her (it wasn't a promise I had actually made, just one that I kept completely to myself, but a promise nonetheless) something happened... something that hurt and humiliated me so much I thought I was never going to love again (but I stood strong nonetheless)... she started dating someone else. Someone I longed for, gone from memory and most importantly my heart. I was so kind to her it was besetting... and this is how it all winds down. That, to me, wasn't fair. I merely felt like giving up altogether after that... but after some time to let it all go, I've been convinced to move on and do otherwise.Now that I'm out of the "broken heart" recession, this now brings me to the present, in which I've been involved in "starting something" with a couple of other girls in my Adv PE class, neither of which were successful. I didn't feel like they were exactly a "perfect" match for me, and that there were better options available, but I felt it was merely worth trying. Maybe there was just something about love that I don't yet understand, and that it would come to me if I were to start a relationship of my own, so that's what I did, but it wasn't over just yet... it was 2 down, 1 to go. Today, I've been "notified" that an ordeal has already been worked out for me and this other girl, Girl #2 who is a Senior, as opposed to me. I'm a Sophomore, though no real "offer" has been received, which I don't feel like I would take right now, anyway even if I had. I mean, a Senior dating a Sophomore? That just doesn't sound right, if you really think about it. Older people dating younger people... I just don't see how that would work out. I know many celebrities are either currently or have recently been in a relationship and/or engaged to other "older" celebs, that's common knowledge, but that doesn't necessarily make it right (I especially don't find it "natural" for Ashton Kutcher of 25 years of age to be engaged to Demi Moore, who's in her low 40s as of now, but that's another story). Not only is she older, and in a higher grade level than I am, but there's a notable size difference as well (I also don't think people should have to "stand up on their tippie toes" to make out to their bf/gf, though that is the case for some present-day relationships). Not that I don't think she's good-looking or anything (but looks surely aren't everything), but she's seemingly far out of my league given the above info. Now, I've admitted I've developed an interest in Girl #3, just when I have learned that Girl #1 has just recently broken up with her "new" boyfriend, leaving me with yet another shot at her (at first, I didn't feel like talking to her ever again, but I've gotten over it, and I've decided that maybe I would want to consider "starting something" with her again after all when she would break up with this one guy). Trouble is, I've been in a tango with all of these girl options that I just don't know where to go with it, anymore. I've been telling myself to just do what I want to do, what I think is right, but instinct doesn't always work when you've got seemingly the whole world above your shoulders like this. The same people I've gotten advice from for Girl #1 told me to drop her a certain line, which I didn't do at the mere thought of these troubles alone. I even said that Girl #3 was only going to be my "backup" plan (I didn't know about Girl #1 being up and "open for grabs" again until today at lunch), and that Girl #1 would surely be my first choice in this case. While I could always just tell them that this is exactly how I feel about my options available, they said "don't come here tomorrow if you don't 'drop her that line'", and Girl #1 seemingly overheard, meaning I would have to tell her as well if it came down to it. The truth is, I just don't know where to go with this. Life is full of hard decisions, I know, and I just get the impression that the decisions I make that certain people don't like could have a huge impact on me and my "reputation" that they tag me with, and thus, I am just afraid of making those decisions even though that's what my heart truly desires. So what do I do about it? I am merely left speechless when asked what it's gonna be by these people, that I try and come up with an excuse of some sort, which never seems to work evidently. The decisions they like I may end up regretting if I make them, the decisions I like they may be optomistic about themselves, and wouldn't sit too well with them all around. And this is why I think of Adv PE as the "Bully's Playground", because it's the only class in which people are actually telling me what to do instead of letting me make my own decision. It's hard for me to give up on a girl I've been longing for now that she's once again available, even harder to give up on a girl I've been longing for for some Senior that I barely even know, just occasionally see when both gym classes play each other in team sports (she's in the other gym class). I've thought about this long and hard, and while I 90% decided (in other words, all but confirmed) that I should make another attempt at Girl #1, going harder this time around than last, this decision could end up hurting me in ways different from what it would be like if I just gave them what they want to see, and not what I want. These are the same people who "set me up" for a total bitch-fest from the gym teacher over a rap battle that they instigated and got me all involved in, don't forget, and I HATE rap (I didn't start a thread about it, since it might not have exactly been something worth fretting about online to the point that some one reading might actually care at all)! Not only that, but when I really think about it, this gives me even more reason to just think for myself on this one. And I know it's going to be hard, but I'll just tell them that my decision, yes MY decision, has already been made, and not theirs. It's not going to be easy to hear, even less easier for me to tell, but I guess I don't have any other choice, and for those people... sorry. That's all I've got to say. What do you think? (edited by Seph2k4 on 04-07-05 09:39 AM) |
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Lilmario Hoarder crappy custom title! Level: 31  Posts: 187/367 EXP: 171741 For next: 13622 Since: 03-15-04 From: The land of Leprachauns <3 Since last post: 9 hours Last activity: 8 hours |
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Read it..Read it all.. What a Dilemma! There's only one thing I can say: Follow your heart. Don't let other people make decisions for you. If you feel that much for Girl#1, and are damn sure she's the girl you want, then go right ahead. Don't let ANYONE stop you. It's your life, and your choice. Make sure you keep us updated on the situation  |
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 540/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| That's what I am going to do come tomorrow, and I feel a bit better about it now that I've got it off my chest. And I think they'll forgive my refusal to "drop #3 that line". When people are making your love decisions THIS difficult for you, I'm sure a lot of people would understand. Of course, I'm not gonna get into what I simply PLAN on doing about the informal situation on my hands. I'll update you on it when it's all said and done. I know that not everyone will be satisfied with my decision tomorrow, but if you want to snag true love, you must be sure that it is the right person, and I believe #1 is my best choice of the 3. It could mean the difference between a guarantee and just a mere shot a true love, but I would rather stay single than be in a tainted relationship with no relations whatsoever. | |||
neotransotaku Baby Mario 戻れたら、 誰も気が付く Level: 87 Posts: 2862/4016 EXP: 6220548 For next: 172226 Since: 03-15-04 From: Outside of Time/Space Since last post: 11 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| Yes, go with you gut... however, i do warn you, to be prepared for the consequences of whatever you decide. I am in a similar situation to you now, in that I do adore one girl very much and she is very, very special to me. However, I do have crushes on other girls as well. If opportunity happens with any girl, I'll take it...but there is one that I really want to be with and it is the girl that I adore very much. So much is that I'm willing to wait for her--meaning I'm not going to try to find someone else other than her (and most likeley be single for good--that's implied eh?). But if another girl does wants to be with me and she is someone I could spend time with, I'll probably take it--but marriage would be a different issue... so yeah, go with your heart and don't try to hard--if you two are meant to be together, then it doesn't take extreme effort |
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 544/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| FINALLY, I have an update on the current scandal, at last... though unfortunately, it's not a good one, but an update nonetheless... Apparently, this one girl I like(d) is going back out with her ex who she very recently broke up with (just 2 weeks ago Thursday and they're already back together again? I find that hard to believe...). Sad news indeed, but it's reality, and I can't deny it. Since then, I've been reminded of how it made me feel the first time this has happened, which was downright horrible. I felt so bad I actually contemplated "throwing in the towel" on my love life, and now that she's gone back out with him, I guess I'll have to wait longer if I feel I really want her that bad, and judging from her track record of boyfriends, I really don't think I'm next on her list in any way; that is, if I'm even on there at all. So I'm now left with 2 options: either (A)Just go right ahead and take the offer to go out with the Senior girl, though I'm convinced it may not be the best choice for me, or (B)Look after someone else... could be anyone at the moment I've redeemed an interest in relationships as of late, but if I do, I want to make sure it's the right person, and I'm not so sure starting one with someone in a higher grade than me (not to mention someone taller in height) is such a good idea. One guy I've asked says that I should take that opportunity, that it could be a good move, and another said that I should stick with my own age group and that things just wouldn't work out between us two, given our differatio of height and age. It can either be a good move, or it could be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, one or the other, to go out with her. It's a risk I may not feel like taking... But given the current situation, I'm starting to lose faith in this one girl (#1), which is a shame. I really liked her, too. She's my size, nice, pretty, has a cute smile, and I just adore her first name for some reason, I dunno, and I thought she would be a great fit for me. One kid I knew even said so himself before I even liked her, and lately I've begun to agree with him... but I'm starting to believe that my feelings for her are all for nothing if my last attempts at landing her were all fKitten Yiffers, and now, not only will I have to wait even longer to get that chance back, but I will have to wait longer just for another chance at her with seemingly slim odds that it will actually work. I felt cold, heartbroken, and unwanted the first time this happened, not to mention pessimistic over this issue. I was so hurt I was pondering to myself that I was ugly and that she hated me or something, and I surely can't afford to go back to feeling this way... too hard and painful. I've been here before, and it's caused me a lot of pain. To go back would mean the sole depletion of my inner self, since I really don't consider myself a very strong person mentally to handle these sorts of things. (edited by Seph2k4 on 04-13-05 11:14 AM) |
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